A letter TO MY DEAR WIFE:

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten days. The following
is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late 
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6
times you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the
ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had
to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you
because I felt you move.